The Dating Scene of a 20YO BBC.

And the word 'non existent' pretty much sums it up.

So this post isn't about Real Life, well kind of, but in terms of events, everything I will say is hypothetical.

So the past few weeks, the love life conversations have cropped up in conversation, most recently with my mother. I don't know about you but any conversation with your mother about love life and the dating scene is pretty daunting, even if you're 40 years old. (Although, if you're 40 and single, I can see why that conversation is a pretty big thing.) But cut that down to half and most people would say that your twenties is pretty much the beginning of the dating scene and most people had a string of relationships and flings by the time they're twenty-two. Not if you're me, 5ft chinese girl who is pretty socially awkward. I'm even shit at romantic scenes, I break the ice with a really unfunny joke/statement. This is pretty much what I do when I meet guys who are there and could be interested in me, I nanny them. I really do, I think this is just a defense mechanism and also a habit I'm used to because I've grown up with two brothers and two male cousins and also being the oldest child. I've ACTUALLY gone up to some guys who were there to 'pull up your trousers, dear.' Yeah, Shameful, I know. But the look on their faces are priceless.


Anyways, so my point is, to begin the dating scene is scary. Especially if you're a BBC with a relatively strict chinese family that never really approved of dating up until you were 19. It was about study then-Now, you're chucked into conversations that would've ended like world war three, three years ago. Instead you get the 'well, are you dating? Why not? have you seen any potential guys? Balance, you can't spend all your time working!' Totally messes with your head or mine at least because I've finally got into the swing of studying and I'm enjoying myself in my studies. (Super Geek!)

So going back to the conversations I've had with my mother and close friends. Apparently, the reason I'm not attractive (NB: I don't mean visually- although that could be why...I meant the 'forces' of attraction-I'm not a scifi geek either...) to other guys is because I can give off the fact that I'm 'self assured.' (or 'selfish 21st century generations woman' Take your pick) (NB2: Also in these conversations, my family & friends are specifically talking about east asian guys) Apparently, EA Guys have this thing where they want to be able to 'look after and be able to take care of her' That's their main primitive thought. Pretty simplistic, can't blame them. But REALLY? All I'm hearing is 'I don't want a girl to get on with her life without a care in world after our relationship ends-hypothetically' Isn't that just in a twisted roundabout way of saying that they want to leave a girl broken hearted for a REALLY long time? They want a girl who will depend on them and thus their impact will make a indelible mark on ours.

This is makes me have no faith in the dating scene. Personally, I don't think I can be less self assured, I can be less confident, but less self assured in where I'm going, I don't think so. I don't think I can be less upfront about my strong personality because I'm so used to being relied on, I've waitressed since I was 14, I finally been able to find an academic niche that I can actually get through, I've got some amazing job opportunities in the past. It's weird that to get the guys, according to my mother and my friends, you have to show vulnerability. I get that, but I've worked so hard to get to where I am, I can't afford to show vulnerability. Not even for the dating scene that I'm set to enter. Or am I just confusing vulnerability with femininity, or am I just pointing out the old age adage that is sexism?

I know love and work need to be balanced but the fact that someone has to change and usually the woman has to is seriously sexist, does this mean all relationships must be based on a thin line of truth and false? Is that just Asian guys? I know I'm generalising here, but every generalisation also have a pinch of truth in them.


Next post: The 'ideal' guy you should be dating-Mum.

DICKHEAD STAFF.

I talk about customer's and family alot in relation to the main focus of this blog, my work life. But here's a new one I'm going to venture into. Arseholes that are your staff. I work for my parents and so the line between normal work employee and self assigned manager is very blurred, it can't be helped. Because, you see, when you've been working in the place since you were 13 and it's your family income, you're going to be worried, because it's an instinct that kicks in. Normal employees don't have that.

Also there's also a line that some employees like to blur. Unprofessional and Professional. To be professional in any line of job, be it lowly or high paid, means working the full shift unless the boss allows you to go, to be punctual and to do your job. On this occasion, this employee of mine was a driver, his shift ends at 10.30pm, it was a pretty slow monday, so he left at 9.55pm. Also, he has a sportscar (this will come into the story!) a delivery order came in at 10pm. We called him, he was on his way back home, assuming that he sped most of the way already in his flashy sportscar (which couples together with his tough guy 'triad' image-he actually is in the triad) he could easily do the same, on the way back. He didn't get back til 10.30pm and thus only had 10 minutes to make the delivery on time. He EVEN MOVED SLOW WALKING to get the takeaway. and then he decided that me rushing him ( I said-'For the love of God, MOVE YOUR ASS AND DELIVER IT, LIKE NOW') was me with no manners and little boy blue got super pissed (crazy, much?) so he went home after delivering,angry. Obviously I had no idea that the little boy blue with the hard image was pissed off.

fastforward saturday, he screamed at me and thats when I knew. This was 5 days after the original situation. Woman much?

So in terms of professionalism-
Firstly, it was unprofessional for him to leave without warning. Yes, it was a slow day, you don't see me closing shop early. secondly, it was more unprofessional by keeping a grudge on such a small thing, and thirdly screaming at me in a busy restaurant is HIGHLY unprofessional. Fourthly, In that scenario, I had to take the role of the superior thus I was justified to tell him to move his ass, so screaming at superiors was again unprofessional. Oh and threatening to bring his chinese mafia cronies to kill me/beat me up-childish and cowardly. I have no respect for the chinese mafia, I think for a bunch of grown men to be dealing drugs and beating people up senselessly, when they're well into their thirties is slightly embarassing.

And you know what, his threat? Bring it.
I don't have to live with the fact that I'm killed y'know. He does.

Financial security/Love

My dad makes my blood BOIL.

Dad: Stop being so moody, you'll never get a boyfriend
Me: Don't need one
Dad: how about getting a house, it'll take one person ages to get a house
Me: Well, I'm not waiting around for a man so that i can get a house, I'm going try earn what I can, I don't necessarily need a guy. (if we're talking financially)

Urgh. What is it with men and this whole idea that women NEED them for financial security. It'd be nice to have some but seriously 21st fucking century people. I can pave my own way in life and I intend to.

Thursday Secrets

I didn't tell you the reason why I wanted to leave home after graduating, I know it would mean better financial security for me, but emotionally, I'd be a wreck. I'm grateful for everything since you are my parents but some things just need to be done. If I stay, I'm scared I'll manage to become like i did before, i'd be the insecure 14 year old trapped in a twenty something body.

Selfish, I know.

Lets get back on track..

....and follow the main aim of this blog, to share my thoughts and rants about what being a waitress is, although this is slightly marred by the fact that I work as a waitress for my parents, which leads me onto today's topic- Working for one's family.

Working with family is the most stressful thing you can ever endure. Okay, not the most stressful, I guess to be pc about it, it's quite stressful (seeing as I have no knowledge at all about office politics!) You scream and shout at them to do their thing and vice versa, and when you get home, you do talk about work, as you do with your colleagues. And suddenly, your whole family life revolves around work. You also can't be bitchy about them working because there's a mutual understanding, so some things are left unsaid.

I want to write more, But I can't think of anything else. Good points to this: You do have an understanding of each other. But there is ZERO work privacy, which is why I can't live with my family, not out of spite (I do love them, despite their unreasonable demands and whinings and love they give, contradictive, I know.), but seriously, I need my freakin' privacy.

Guilty VS SHIT

opinions appreciated

Would you rather...

feel guilty because someone guilt-tripped you into doing a favour for them and you refuse to abide by them but you've stood up for yourself [even though its a harsh thing to do]

OR

abide by their requests but end up feeling shit and disappointed at yourself. (because even if you know its the right thing to do for them but you always always always do this and feel like shit everytime and you're disappointed because you feel like you can't stand up for yourself.


Basically, there is an event on saturday that has been organised for ages and i really want to go, because I'm 20 and it's my life. I already let people know that i couldn't work on that day and people were fine with it. However, my dad called and told me i had to work because i was a supposed to be standby and basically guilt-tripped me by putting an insane amount of pressure on me-
' I'LL CLOSE THE RESTAURANT ON SATURDAY THEN, SINCE WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH WORKERS'

I hate it when they put that kind of pressure on me, THATS NOT FAIR, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THE SCAPEGOAT FOR EVERYTHING THE RESTAURANT IS. but he's my parent, what am i supposed to say? I just don't want to be tied down by obligations like that, especially just because i'm born into it. I didn't ask for it.

Do i be the bad daughter, but do right for me? or do i be the good daughter and end up feeling shit and disappointed because it gives them reason to do it again and again?

who actually reads my makeup blog

I am holding a giveaway on my blog, and i've accumulated ALOT of attention for it, but i can't help but feel apprehensive about it, because i know all these people [only few are actually beauty bloggers] are in it for the freebies, and not actually reading my posts.

I may not be the best blogger, but i do put alot of effort writing my posts on blogger, i put my heart and soul and edit it as well as i can and it kinda hurts to know that not many people read my blog. they join one time and thats it. I just feel taken advantage of.