Lets get back on track..

....and follow the main aim of this blog, to share my thoughts and rants about what being a waitress is, although this is slightly marred by the fact that I work as a waitress for my parents, which leads me onto today's topic- Working for one's family.

Working with family is the most stressful thing you can ever endure. Okay, not the most stressful, I guess to be pc about it, it's quite stressful (seeing as I have no knowledge at all about office politics!) You scream and shout at them to do their thing and vice versa, and when you get home, you do talk about work, as you do with your colleagues. And suddenly, your whole family life revolves around work. You also can't be bitchy about them working because there's a mutual understanding, so some things are left unsaid.

I want to write more, But I can't think of anything else. Good points to this: You do have an understanding of each other. But there is ZERO work privacy, which is why I can't live with my family, not out of spite (I do love them, despite their unreasonable demands and whinings and love they give, contradictive, I know.), but seriously, I need my freakin' privacy.

Guilty VS SHIT

opinions appreciated

Would you rather...

feel guilty because someone guilt-tripped you into doing a favour for them and you refuse to abide by them but you've stood up for yourself [even though its a harsh thing to do]

OR

abide by their requests but end up feeling shit and disappointed at yourself. (because even if you know its the right thing to do for them but you always always always do this and feel like shit everytime and you're disappointed because you feel like you can't stand up for yourself.


Basically, there is an event on saturday that has been organised for ages and i really want to go, because I'm 20 and it's my life. I already let people know that i couldn't work on that day and people were fine with it. However, my dad called and told me i had to work because i was a supposed to be standby and basically guilt-tripped me by putting an insane amount of pressure on me-
' I'LL CLOSE THE RESTAURANT ON SATURDAY THEN, SINCE WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH WORKERS'

I hate it when they put that kind of pressure on me, THATS NOT FAIR, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THE SCAPEGOAT FOR EVERYTHING THE RESTAURANT IS. but he's my parent, what am i supposed to say? I just don't want to be tied down by obligations like that, especially just because i'm born into it. I didn't ask for it.

Do i be the bad daughter, but do right for me? or do i be the good daughter and end up feeling shit and disappointed because it gives them reason to do it again and again?

who actually reads my makeup blog

I am holding a giveaway on my blog, and i've accumulated ALOT of attention for it, but i can't help but feel apprehensive about it, because i know all these people [only few are actually beauty bloggers] are in it for the freebies, and not actually reading my posts.

I may not be the best blogger, but i do put alot of effort writing my posts on blogger, i put my heart and soul and edit it as well as i can and it kinda hurts to know that not many people read my blog. they join one time and thats it. I just feel taken advantage of.

scapegoat + haiti

Firstly, I'd like to express my sorrows for the earthquake that hit Haiti, my problems can never compare to theirs. Please donate, even a little helps!

BRITISH RED CROSS

So I'm back at uni and living off campus with housemates will never be a smooth road. Especially with 4 girls. This time, it's the boiler, and housemates getting the hump with each other over..well...each other. =/ I'm not involved in this. I made a resolution last christmas and this new year to
1. Stop Bitchin'
2. To not mention/ or defend/go against anyone of my housemates- ultimately i will not be involved emotionally.

Well. the second one flew out the window, and none of it is my doing. I got back to a freezing cold house and found the door to our bathroom locked, where our central heating is located, because my letting agent, being the douchebags they are accidentally locked it. They thought it was a bedroom. I then had to sleep under 6 layers of clothes, including my coat.

Lesson learned: Our letting agent is, to put crudely, an idiot.

So If you've been following me on twitter, my status have been about the heating. =/ When i got to the boiler, i naturally switched it on, and my housemate had put it on frost control so it wouldn't waste heating. I got that. Being alone, and no idea on heating appliances, it wouldn't heat up- I was pretty stumped. Not surprising, i'm a female history student. one of my housemates suggested that maybe the pipes had frozen= we've had snow and BAD temperatures for a while in the UK. So i get that she thought that way. Frost control housemate's dad + housemate thought the other was pointing out that they were wrong to put it on frost control. and got mad. And they called me on my mobile and had a go at me 'The boiler + pipes aren't frozen, blah blah' It wasn't even my housemate who called, it was her dad. and then he ended with' and tell [the other housemate] to stop attacking my daughter. He said all this in an angry tone. Apparently my housemate allowed him to that. and then left him to it. I'm sorry, if you're letting your dad talk to your friend/housemate, you would stand over him and listen in.' she didn't and thus I was pretty upset about what i did, because i am the scapegoat here. I at least expected an apology for his attitude to me by text.

So, lets put this in perspective, I only got back to a cold house, and stayed in A FREEZING COLD HOUSE for a night and a half. I AM THE FREAKING VICTIM. I DON'T NEED ANYONE TELLING ME WHOSE WRONG, AS LONG AS IT STARTS WORKING NORMALLY AGAIN, IM TOTALLY FINE. I DON'T CARE WHO THE FUCK IS WRONG. I HAVE A 3O00 WORD ESSAY DUE ON MONDAY, IM STRESSED.

and then her dad has the audacity to tell me today when they got back that I/WE WAS WRONG...AGAIN. whilst i'm writing my essay, even though i clearly said 'yeah, I'm doing my essay!' which is pretty much a polite way of saying 'GET THE FUCK OUT MY ROOM, I NEED TO CONCENTRATE.'

I don't even get a sincere apology, i had to ask her about it. I'm fine now because i talked to her, I just needed to get this off my chest because if i don't. i will bitch and things will end badly.

Religion

although title sounds like a really controversial complex subject and if you're thinking its going to be a heavy post. it's not going to be at all.

I didn't specifically want to put Christianity, but thats what this post is mainly about. Firstly, I'd like to admit, I am not a Christian, nor do I follow any religion. I've noticed that there are lots of Chinese christians though, there's even a chinese christian fellowship in my university town, which really surprised me, well not really surprised, i found out about them last year when they shoved a xmas gathering invite in my hand because they saw that i was chinese. To be honest, the name made me laugh, it evoked memories of lord of the rings. I guess my point here is- I didn't realise Church was such a big thing for chinese students because all the friend i have, i never really go into the subject of religion, it just never came up and nor would i like to bring it up because it's not my preference.

I grew up without having any sort of religion forced upon me, this is talking in terms of my parents. Of course i had outside influence, i went to a church of england school that did have rare trips to the church [e.g lent] and the occasional barmy religious aunt. My parents, however, did not force any religion on me, and I'm glad they didn't. my dad was far too cynical and my mother, far too busy. We never had time to think and life just passed by peacefully. A lot of people found help in God, but we've never found the need for god, because my parents work so hard.

Defining the term 'Oriental'

Oriental is the term used in Britain do define anyone of east asian descent- be it chinese, korean, japanese, taiwanese etc.

There are huge differences in the usage of terms across geographical places, such as America and Britain, and call me a traitor but I prefer the Asian American train of thought so much more than that of the British. Asian Americans view the term as offensive and derogatory and I don't blame them, because it just rings heavily of colonialism. In this modern world, it is not at all correct to cling onto that part of history. Furthermore, as a history student, the term brings back memories of learning about the study of Orientalism, a term that defines and points out the flaws of historiographical evidence and research of Asia. The definition being that research about asia and the whatever asian countries they visited was purely a reflection on the colonialism and civilisation of their own civilisation-that of europe, the states and all things in between. I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing to be calling someone oriental.

I don't understand why British people are not making this term to be racist. the oxford dictionary states that it is 'a person from China, Japan or other countries in E Asia' and is 'OFTEN offensive' last updated 2005. 'often'? shouldn't it be always?

running, flying, independence

I run, when I feel pressured
I run, when i get bored
I run, when I can't take it anymore
I run, from my family
I run, from my friends
I run, in the metaphorical sense of course.

I don't intentionally run, of course. I ran from home to uni, whereas most of my british chinese friends kipped at home, and their uni was in london. I was so adamant in running, i made sure i didn't choose any london unis in my ucas choice list. That was the beginning of my habit of running away. I felt pressured if i was near parents and family friends, and i couldn't do that to myself anymore. I run from life's problems. I run from friends, which i don't intentionally do so, but I forget to call/ring because I don't find the time. i have the time, but i don't find it. =/ I also run when i get bored, i can't stay in one place for a long period of time, i much prefer to be independent and see the world for myself.

Im a bird. trying to fly. or so i think. and im not ready to give up running yet. Im enjoying it far too much.