scapegoat + haiti

Firstly, I'd like to express my sorrows for the earthquake that hit Haiti, my problems can never compare to theirs. Please donate, even a little helps!

BRITISH RED CROSS

So I'm back at uni and living off campus with housemates will never be a smooth road. Especially with 4 girls. This time, it's the boiler, and housemates getting the hump with each other over..well...each other. =/ I'm not involved in this. I made a resolution last christmas and this new year to
1. Stop Bitchin'
2. To not mention/ or defend/go against anyone of my housemates- ultimately i will not be involved emotionally.

Well. the second one flew out the window, and none of it is my doing. I got back to a freezing cold house and found the door to our bathroom locked, where our central heating is located, because my letting agent, being the douchebags they are accidentally locked it. They thought it was a bedroom. I then had to sleep under 6 layers of clothes, including my coat.

Lesson learned: Our letting agent is, to put crudely, an idiot.

So If you've been following me on twitter, my status have been about the heating. =/ When i got to the boiler, i naturally switched it on, and my housemate had put it on frost control so it wouldn't waste heating. I got that. Being alone, and no idea on heating appliances, it wouldn't heat up- I was pretty stumped. Not surprising, i'm a female history student. one of my housemates suggested that maybe the pipes had frozen= we've had snow and BAD temperatures for a while in the UK. So i get that she thought that way. Frost control housemate's dad + housemate thought the other was pointing out that they were wrong to put it on frost control. and got mad. And they called me on my mobile and had a go at me 'The boiler + pipes aren't frozen, blah blah' It wasn't even my housemate who called, it was her dad. and then he ended with' and tell [the other housemate] to stop attacking my daughter. He said all this in an angry tone. Apparently my housemate allowed him to that. and then left him to it. I'm sorry, if you're letting your dad talk to your friend/housemate, you would stand over him and listen in.' she didn't and thus I was pretty upset about what i did, because i am the scapegoat here. I at least expected an apology for his attitude to me by text.

So, lets put this in perspective, I only got back to a cold house, and stayed in A FREEZING COLD HOUSE for a night and a half. I AM THE FREAKING VICTIM. I DON'T NEED ANYONE TELLING ME WHOSE WRONG, AS LONG AS IT STARTS WORKING NORMALLY AGAIN, IM TOTALLY FINE. I DON'T CARE WHO THE FUCK IS WRONG. I HAVE A 3O00 WORD ESSAY DUE ON MONDAY, IM STRESSED.

and then her dad has the audacity to tell me today when they got back that I/WE WAS WRONG...AGAIN. whilst i'm writing my essay, even though i clearly said 'yeah, I'm doing my essay!' which is pretty much a polite way of saying 'GET THE FUCK OUT MY ROOM, I NEED TO CONCENTRATE.'

I don't even get a sincere apology, i had to ask her about it. I'm fine now because i talked to her, I just needed to get this off my chest because if i don't. i will bitch and things will end badly.

Religion

although title sounds like a really controversial complex subject and if you're thinking its going to be a heavy post. it's not going to be at all.

I didn't specifically want to put Christianity, but thats what this post is mainly about. Firstly, I'd like to admit, I am not a Christian, nor do I follow any religion. I've noticed that there are lots of Chinese christians though, there's even a chinese christian fellowship in my university town, which really surprised me, well not really surprised, i found out about them last year when they shoved a xmas gathering invite in my hand because they saw that i was chinese. To be honest, the name made me laugh, it evoked memories of lord of the rings. I guess my point here is- I didn't realise Church was such a big thing for chinese students because all the friend i have, i never really go into the subject of religion, it just never came up and nor would i like to bring it up because it's not my preference.

I grew up without having any sort of religion forced upon me, this is talking in terms of my parents. Of course i had outside influence, i went to a church of england school that did have rare trips to the church [e.g lent] and the occasional barmy religious aunt. My parents, however, did not force any religion on me, and I'm glad they didn't. my dad was far too cynical and my mother, far too busy. We never had time to think and life just passed by peacefully. A lot of people found help in God, but we've never found the need for god, because my parents work so hard.

Defining the term 'Oriental'

Oriental is the term used in Britain do define anyone of east asian descent- be it chinese, korean, japanese, taiwanese etc.

There are huge differences in the usage of terms across geographical places, such as America and Britain, and call me a traitor but I prefer the Asian American train of thought so much more than that of the British. Asian Americans view the term as offensive and derogatory and I don't blame them, because it just rings heavily of colonialism. In this modern world, it is not at all correct to cling onto that part of history. Furthermore, as a history student, the term brings back memories of learning about the study of Orientalism, a term that defines and points out the flaws of historiographical evidence and research of Asia. The definition being that research about asia and the whatever asian countries they visited was purely a reflection on the colonialism and civilisation of their own civilisation-that of europe, the states and all things in between. I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing to be calling someone oriental.

I don't understand why British people are not making this term to be racist. the oxford dictionary states that it is 'a person from China, Japan or other countries in E Asia' and is 'OFTEN offensive' last updated 2005. 'often'? shouldn't it be always?

running, flying, independence

I run, when I feel pressured
I run, when i get bored
I run, when I can't take it anymore
I run, from my family
I run, from my friends
I run, in the metaphorical sense of course.

I don't intentionally run, of course. I ran from home to uni, whereas most of my british chinese friends kipped at home, and their uni was in london. I was so adamant in running, i made sure i didn't choose any london unis in my ucas choice list. That was the beginning of my habit of running away. I felt pressured if i was near parents and family friends, and i couldn't do that to myself anymore. I run from life's problems. I run from friends, which i don't intentionally do so, but I forget to call/ring because I don't find the time. i have the time, but i don't find it. =/ I also run when i get bored, i can't stay in one place for a long period of time, i much prefer to be independent and see the world for myself.

Im a bird. trying to fly. or so i think. and im not ready to give up running yet. Im enjoying it far too much.

NEW HOUSE BLUES

I'm having one of those depressing moments, when you feel like it wasn't worth it to move into a shared house, we have so much stuff to sort out, like bills, I AM CONSTANTLY giving out money to this place and its kinda sucking me dry, I really need to sort out a budget plan, but thing is, I don't have enough money to sort out a budget plan, I don't know when money comes through because i'm relying so much on my parents. siggh.

I'm having new house blues, where it's starting to hit me the reality of a shared house, like before, if i didn't want to deal with anyone, I didn't have to, i had my own apartment away from everyone in parkwood student village. My other three flatmates are USED to each other because they stayed in the same halls last year, so for me, it's REALLY hard to get into it, they all seem so close and also they don't piss each other off as much. Im feeling like I'm going to piss them off at one point and then it will be them against me because i'm pretty much the outsider here [because i lived in different halls last year]. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my flatmates, they are long time friends, but i haven't LIVED with them before, and i'm just pretty much scared by the thought of that. Plus i've found little things that are starting to bug me, like their food habits, I feel like i can't cook what I want because sometimes they are really fussy with food, like fish, I LOVE FISH, all i want to eat is fish, but they all have a fear of fish, like what it looks like and the smell. Same with seafood. Plus I'm a foodie, i fear no weird foods. They even find the thought of pigeon weird, whereas to me, I've been to a few restaurants that serve it, so it's pretty normal to me. I feel like if i do cook it, they'll say something bad about it, and when they do, that puts me off my food because i find it just rude to be narrowminded and fussy about food. call me a food snob but thats who i am.

Also, when they lived together last year, they formed a group of friends with some other people, that i still don't feel very close to. Maybe I'm not a great conversationist but it's still painful to feel left out. I know them but not great friends, there's still a gap between us and I'm 19, it's so hard to make friends, the older you get. Sometimes, because i feel so awkward, i can't actually be bothered.

ah sigh, maybe I'm just PMSing.

cuteness overload

we got my two year old cousin his first lego set.

when did saturdays die?

seriously, saturday's business has dropped EPICLY this summer in my restaurant. No one wants chinese food anymore =/