I'm having one of those depressing moments, when you feel like it wasn't worth it to move into a shared house, we have so much stuff to sort out, like bills, I AM CONSTANTLY giving out money to this place and its kinda sucking me dry, I really need to sort out a budget plan, but thing is, I don't have enough money to sort out a budget plan, I don't know when money comes through because i'm relying so much on my parents. siggh.
I'm having new house blues, where it's starting to hit me the reality of a shared house, like before, if i didn't want to deal with anyone, I didn't have to, i had my own apartment away from everyone in parkwood student village. My other three flatmates are USED to each other because they stayed in the same halls last year, so for me, it's REALLY hard to get into it, they all seem so close and also they don't piss each other off as much. Im feeling like I'm going to piss them off at one point and then it will be them against me because i'm pretty much the outsider here [because i lived in different halls last year]. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my flatmates, they are long time friends, but i haven't LIVED with them before, and i'm just pretty much scared by the thought of that. Plus i've found little things that are starting to bug me, like their food habits, I feel like i can't cook what I want because sometimes they are really fussy with food, like fish, I LOVE FISH, all i want to eat is fish, but they all have a fear of fish, like what it looks like and the smell. Same with seafood. Plus I'm a foodie, i fear no weird foods. They even find the thought of pigeon weird, whereas to me, I've been to a few restaurants that serve it, so it's pretty normal to me. I feel like if i do cook it, they'll say something bad about it, and when they do, that puts me off my food because i find it just rude to be narrowminded and fussy about food. call me a food snob but thats who i am.
Also, when they lived together last year, they formed a group of friends with some other people, that i still don't feel very close to. Maybe I'm not a great conversationist but it's still painful to feel left out. I know them but not great friends, there's still a gap between us and I'm 19, it's so hard to make friends, the older you get. Sometimes, because i feel so awkward, i can't actually be bothered.
ah sigh, maybe I'm just PMSing.