Saturday, 25 April 2009

26th April 09

This is my personal private blog, a place for me to vent without any discretions, to myself.

I feel like i need these because i've realised that in myself, I hide my personality too much. I don't think many people know the real me, not even my closest friends. Only me. I'm not always the happy go lucky optimistic girl with no troubles. Im far from that, I can be negative, pessimistic and i'm scared that i'll never find my niche in life. I don't seem to have any sort of talents or anything i'm 'good' at either and it's getting to me. It really is. Everyone seems to have something they're good at, and usually they seem to get normal stuff that i can't seem to be able to understand, like driving. Alot of people i know passed it easily, But then theres me, stuck in a rut. I don't like driving but i kinda know i have to learn. I lack the motivation and i know that. I'm just not a very motivated person. I try to be but deep down inside i know that even if i muster up all my strength and all that gusto, I will never get it.

I've been really pissy with customers too as well, and tbh i really think its from that call last week from a certain customer that reported me. I just think that I can't do anything right. or well for that matter. Not as well as other people.

gah I should stop thinking like this, but these thoughts have plagued me for years, if its not one situation, its another and its all the same concept, I don't feel good enough. I never am, but i keep trying and fighting a dying game.

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