Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Home Sweet Home

I'm home, Uni's finally finished! I love being home, I'm elated to see my family again, but sometimes, they really grate on me. I know, it's been less than a day since i got back home and i gotta stay for a few months at least.

Seriously, Dad, the first words you say to me 'is how was your exam, i bet you failed because you went clubbing too much-thats the reason why you didn't come home?' WHAT THE EFF. I was only gone for 4 weeks, and the only place i went was town to see off international friends for lunch and one night at the summer ball. If you missed seeing me, in those 4 weeks, just say so, Don't be so damn spiteful. Saying i'll drop out because i didn't study because i went out is wrong. I have my own study plans, I'm freaking 19, I know you're paying for my studies, but I'm not as bad as you think.

Thats the thing, Everyone back home always ALWAYS think I'm worse than I am, and when i start believing that, I fall, crack, collapse in the worst way possible. It was the same with A levels, driving. One girl passed judgement on me before knowing anything, and in driving, everyone would joke how bad i was when they never saw me drive. I know, sticks and stones, but I'll admit, I'm not strong enough to deal with your judgements, I'm easily swayed by words, thats why i love reading. In reality, it's the worst trait possible.

The consequence, I seem to play down who i am now. I can't pinpoint any of my strong features. I've lost that girlish confidence inside. I get anxious when someone points out a flaw [e.g: personality, weight gain etc] I'm scared of my flaws.

2 comments:

Jamilla Camel said...

Yinnie,

I had major disagreements with my parents about how to live my life during Uni, so I moved out and paid for everything myself. Your situation doesn't sound nearly as bad, but I do sympathise with you!

Hang in there!

Joan said...

I share your thoughts on that Yinnie. Sometimes I do things better when Im alone and no one to commentate on my competence/incompetence; books are just as well the best place to be, innit.
But just so you know, like the best I could make of myself, you make your own version of who you really are, what you're really good at, and everyone else can be as nasty as they want about you but it isnt going to change who you are (: