Friday, 5 June 2009

Sociopaths

So, mid-exam period. Nothing to do, because my next exam isn't until a week or so and being alone with only the 4 walls around me for company, I began to think. I thought alot in the past week or so, mainly my downfalls and thoughts and confusions that have plagued me ever since sixth form. Since i was 16. Most notably; Miss N.

Miss N was a girl who i used to be good friends with prior to being 16. She was in my classes at school and she was charming, smart, A grades, beautiful. She seemed genuinely like a nice girl. Oh how wrong I was. I was never great at seeing through people's facades. A flaw about myself which gets me hurt every friggin' time. When we were in GCSE, we virtually had the same subjects and in the summer of 2006, I introduced her to my then-boyfriend. Betch suddenly turns on me. very sublety. She basically flirted with him and boys minds wander. I expected it to. but she made sure i knew about it. At that point, I was 16, boys were just boys, relationship wasn't deep so, we broke up and i thought that now that she got what she wanted, she would stop making me feel bad. It didn't

In the next few months, she continued to annoy me, like saying how her other friends thought i wasn't hard working and they didn't know me. Why the fuck would you tell that to your friend if you know it will make them feel bad? everytime i talked to someone, she would butt in and take over the conversation, she would make friends with my friends. At one point, I would listen to a lot of indie, japanese and chinese music and she would too. She was trying to take over my identity, well cover it up. I wasn't pleased, didn't say a word. I got really bad grades that year, I guess i was depressed, but i didn't know it. I would eat to feel better. On results day, she saw i was crying over my results and bounded up to me full of life-'Oh yinnie, what did you get, I got all A's'

I finally realised, despite being less attractive, less brainy, less popular than her, I was still her target because when i didn't care, it seemed like i LET her win. She wanted to win fair and square. No one suspected that she was victimising me because she was so nice. It was so well deceptive. It was a totally horrible feeling.

Recently, i read up on psychological bullying because it really bothered me. Her traits match up 95% to being a sociopath. She has not real feelings, she victimises to win and thats her personality. I was kind of shocked because i didn't think such complex people existed. I had been a victim of sociopathological bullying and i don't like it one bit. I hate that these types of people are around.

2 comments:

Nan, ナン said...

Oh snap. That's crazy hun. My 'friend' (whom I ditched a while back) did the EXACT same thing. I thought it was more like borderline, really. But seeing what you're written - they're completely alike. O_O I had a Miss N too.

Jamilla Camel said...

It's a good thing to brush up on your Sociopath detecting skills, because unfortunately you will meet many more when you are working!

Good on ya for reading up on Miss N!